Thursday, May 20, 2010

What is normal anyway?

Today was not unlike any other days I have had in recent past, with the exception of having someone who lives close to me tell me that they are so "happy" that their children are normal. Being the person that I am and not being able to bite my tongue, I asked her so what is normal, and what makes a child normal? Of course, I never got an answer and yes it got me to thinking about what it means to be normal.

My normal is very different from many people's normal, but just because it is different from everyone others does it make it wrong or not normal? I do not think it does, yes my children are special, yes they are wonderful and no my life is not like that of yours nor is yours like mine or like that of others. Normal is different from everyone, that does not make it bad, that does not make me and my husband bad parents. I do things differently than most, but I do what works for my family, for my children, that does not make it right for everyone else.

You see that is the thing about children on the spectrum, there are no two alike, they have different stims, triggers and things that set them off, so what works for one family may not work for another. We are all doing the best we can, instead of judging us, educate yourself, ask us what you can do to help, we would rather the questions than the judgment.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What I did not know

What I did not Know..

I have learned to deal with the looks and whispers behind my back.
I know that many people think I am a bad mother or my husband is a bad father.
I know that there are a lot of judgments about the way I do things and the way I handle my son.
I know, because like so many, there was a point in time in my life when I made the same assumptions as so many are now making about me.
What I did not know about Aspergers children will amaze you, it still amazes me.

I did not know that today my son would need a twizzler so bad that nothing else would do, that he would ask for it repeatedly and even thought I did not have any in the house it would not matter. He wanted it so that was all that was important. I did not know he would not understand or grasp that there were none here. However, when tomorrow gets here and I have twizzlers that he will no longer want them and will have moved on to Gum as that is what I gave him yesterday to calm him down. Too bad I no longer have gum.

I did not know that his socks would hurt his feet which would result in him having a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store. I did not realize that the tag inside his shirt would itch and irritate his skin, I did not know that his shorts had to be made out of a certain material or it would irritate him. I did not know.

I did not know that his world was black and white, that he saw things in tunnel. I did not know that there was no gray in the world. I did not know that rules would be unbendable and that you had to do the same thing at the same time everyday to avoid meltdowns.

I did not know that while my child would be so different he would also be so amazing and loving. I did not know how much it would hurt me when you leave my child out from playing. I did not know how much it would hurt him when he is left out of games, and activities that all other children are included in.

I did not know that so many adults would be so uneducated on Aspergers and on what it means to have an Aspie child. I did not know how many people would not even try to understand my child and would just make assumptions based on their experience.

I do hope that the next time you see me at the park, pool or a social even that you will not feel sorry for me, I am blessed to have the unconditional love of an Aspergers child. What I hope is that you will understand and instead of talking behind my back, ask what you can do to make my child apart of our neighborhood.

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